Yeah, I went there...

Vote for Josephine

2007-04-03T01:05:00.001-04:00

(You can vote once a day)

Today's Fortune Cookie Said:

2006-12-20T00:27:00.000-05:00

"You must give up what you could lose in order to gain what you could not lose."

"Although, the sun will never shine the same, I'lI always look to a brighter day."

2006-12-19T02:43:00.000-05:00

While I don't feel like the universe is laughing at me, I do feel like it's playing games with me sometimes. I guess I could really find meaning in anything if I'm looking for it, but sometimes it's so appropriate or so cheesily obvious that I can't help but say, "Come on, are you kidding me?" Last night after leaving JFK airport I had one of those moments.

Today has probably been one of the roughest days for me in a while. Generally, I don't get down about things anymore. I don't remember many times recently when I've dwelled on anything in particular for a substantial amount of time. I felt like I was in a state of depression today. After asking Annie if there was anything noticeably different about my demeanor, we came to the conclusion that I was feeling more melancholy than anything. But for me, I think that even being melancholy is a big deal. Anyone who knows me well enough would probably agree.

I know that everything is as it should be, that everything will work out, that the way that things play out are for the best even if I don't see it yet, but this time I'm stuck. I'm stuck wondering about myself. I'm stuck thinking about others. I'm stuck wondering about how things will be and if things will ever be as they once were. Years, months, weeks, maybe even days from now, maybe I'll be able to look back and laugh at myself. I hope and pray and would welcome that to happen. Of course everything will work out perfectly as it should, but for now this is how I choose to spend my time – melancholy – feeling like there is a lump stuck in my chest, some kind of weight or maybe a void where something is missing.

My thoughts and emotions are all tangled. I know in my heart that my feeling under the weather today was a direct result of all of this as I rarely get sick. I barely ate today, which in and of itself is not a big deal or even remotely surprising, but rather than time or lack of food getting in my way of eating, it was my thoughts. I went to the basement at work to sleep during my lunch break today, also not unusual; usually I fall asleep without any problem and sleep throughout my lunch break unless interrupted. Today, I woke up repeatedly for no reason thinking that my break was over only to find that only a few minutes had past.

There was a time when it was my goal to cater to everyone and have everyone like me. I wanted to be everyone's friend. I no longer care if everyone likes me; that I can say with confidence. When I am being true to myself the opinions of others don't matter. But what about when I don't know if I'm being true to myself? Somewhere deep down I know what I want. Until I grow up and start accepting that, I won't get what I want, others won't get what they want, and I will end up hurting those I love – people who I have come to trust and cherish as valuable parts of my life.

Sometimes losing people can be like losing a part of me. They are missing and a part of me with them, but I think I am starting to see that they are still showing up in some capacity, teaching me, guiding me. Thank you for being there for me – still. Maybe it's time to trust that things will work out.

(Bonus points to anyone who can name what song the title is from.)

22.5

2006-05-21T23:53:00.000-04:00

So much has happened since my last post. It would be impossible to recap it all in the few minutes I want to spend posting now. So for the time being, I want to wish happy birthday to my good buddy of 17 years, Scott. I also want to wish myself a happy half-birthday. Today I turned the big 22.5! Today also marks the anniversary of my last haircut, which took place on May 21st, 2005 -- the day before graduation.

2006-04-01T15:38:00.000-05:00

I believe there are forces at work that are greater than I will ever comprehend...

Spring Ahead

2006-03-30T22:11:00.000-05:00

Busy all the time. Some highlights from life in the last week: I had the first at bat of the year this year in our baseball league and I hit a home run. Talk about getting started on the right foot. I also got my first ever paycheck today. It was for the three days I worked last week since starting work after getting back from California. It was for more than I was expecting which is nice. A part of me wants to just frame it and not cash it.

Ready to say "Goodbye"

2006-03-11T03:54:00.000-05:00

The last couple of days have been very interesting for me. I'm beginning the Men's Leadership Seminar in a few hours. I've been freaking out about the seminar in my own little freaking out way. It's a mixed bag of emotions that I don't quite know how to express. I'm anxious, scared, excited, nervous...anything you might feel when you know something big is about to happen.

A lot of people talked to me today to wish me luck. I talked to Todd, my coach, this morning. I went back to sleep. Larry called. Went back to sleep. I spoke to Doug for a little bit. Corinne called and offered me white light and positive energy. I spoke to Janice for a while. I know everyone's thoughts are with me as I take this huge step in my life. I haven't really played this seminar up that much among people who I normally associate with. It's a huge deal for me though. I am expecting to go back to NY in 11 days a changed man. I could have gone in November. I chickened out. I made up some bullshit about how it wasn't the right time for me, and I didn't go. I'm glad I chickened out then. This is the perfect time for me to be there. Had I gone in November, I would have done all the stuff, had a blast, and been changed. It wouldn't have been as good as doing it now.

This last month has been one of the most amazing months of my life. I've experienced new levels of thought and awareness in both myself and of others. I've noticed a lot of changes in myself -- changes that I love seeing -- changes that I wish were more permanent than they have been. I have more fun doing things I used to do. I feel a level of confidence that I've never before experienced. It's because of these changes -- my outlook on life, my interactions with other people, my perceptions of myself -- that I now have expectations of what this leadership seminar might do for me. Expectations which really are expectations of myself. I see myself greater than I did before. I expect things of myself; great things. I see the possibilities of what I can be -- of what I will be. And even with the greater expectations, I experience new levels of freedom. I feel lighter. I'm less weighed down by the worry and fear that once plagued my thoughts. I matter. My opinion matters. Everything I do is what I'm meant to do. Everything I do is perfect.

I've been with my thoughts the last few days. I was in resistance about the seminar the entire week leading up to it. I put off packing until the last possible moment. I did not get anything together. I did not take care of the things that I told myself I wanted to take care of prior to leaving New York. All this manifested as stomach discomfort and slight nausea the morning of my flight. After I left, I slept. I spent a lot of time reflecting...grounded, pensive, calm. I considered it the calm before the storm. Now I consider it as my taking myself in; understanding who I am; remembering who I was; getting to know myself so that I can say goodbye to myself. I've been scared of letting go. Why? Let go for greater things. I can trust myself.

Changes are on the horizon -- exciting changes. Time to step up and be who I want to be. Time to say goodbye to the person who I am now, the person who isn't true to himself...to myself.

Happy. Sad. Thankful.

I couldn't have gotten here without you.
Eternal gratitude.

Other birthday news...

2006-02-28T23:19:00.000-05:00

Aside from Wilson's birthday, Friday was also my grandfather's Chinese birthday (goes by lunar calendar). He turned 96. We still have some birthday cake if anyone wants some. A week before that was Kristen's birthday. Unfortuntaly, and also fortunately, I was in Colorado at the time. Two days ago was Lisa's birthday. I went up to Boston to hang out, ice skate, watch movies, and eat Coldstone. It was fun. Yesterday was Roger's birthday. The Board went to the Upper East Side. I had just gotten back from Boston that afternoon then went straight to New Jersey for a team meeting last night without stopping off at home first, so I missed that. I also picked up my diploma yesterday morning while I was still in Boston and showed it to my dad this morning before he left for China. I was happy to do it. He seems to be the only person who really cares about my having my diploma. Tomorrow is Jeanie's birthday. It is also Wednesday which means free open bar and karaoke at Bar Room. All are welcome.

Out of the Blue

2006-02-25T03:48:00.000-05:00

Friday night--Wilson's birthday--a night of magic and wonder. As fun as hanging out drinking and busting phat moves on the dance floor with everyone was, the real earthshaking events that transpired that night for me actually occurred before heading to BRANCH. In the spirit of doing things I never thought in my life that I would be doing, I found myself on stage in front of a few hundred people, some with cameras, at NYU taking part in a Krumping battle. For those of you who don't know; Krumping (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krumping), also known as Clown-dancing; is a variation of hip hop dance that is gaining popularity on the West coast and is featured in the movie Rize. I was told by my friend Diana after hip hop class the night before about some Rize thing at NYU. I thought this "thing" consisted of watching Rize and then a performance. I found out earlier Friday that it was a workshop and performance; okay, another hip hop class this week...no big deal.

We're loosening up doing whatever kind of dancing we want to. The guy MCing starts calling randomo people on stage. They're doing what everyone else is doing except on stage. We start working on chest pumping. I was dressed in basically all blue: blue jeans, blue shirt with white writing, blue bandana with white lines, blue armband with white writing, and white shoes. The MC all of a sudden looks at me (I'm standing right near the front) and reads my shirt to everyone: "To think is to create." He then calls me on stage to be in front of everyone. I happily go on stage. It was awesome. I got to stand in front of everyone and be an example for the class. I was actually excited about it instead of freaking out like I probably would have in the past.

The class eventually broke up into groups of eight and all of us on stage were one group. We all worked on our own stuff, and then we found out that we were a crew and were going to battle one of the other groups in the workshop. There ended up being two battles in which a couple of people from each crew went one at a time to show up the members of the other crew. I ended up going third from my group. A girl went before me and finished with a split, so naturally I had to show her up with a split of my own. After a series and movements and girations, I finished off jumping up in the air and landing into a full split. It was quite an experience--totally awesome and unexpected. It was cool when after the show people would ask me where I dance and if I've done B'boying before and stuff like that. What an experience!

Dr. Laura says...

2006-02-23T15:17:00.000-05:00

LauraSHV (2:54:00 PM): I think that a lot of your dreams have to do with change
LauraSHV (2:54:08 PM): You've been dreaming a lot about how you were
LauraSHV (2:54:15 PM): Like HS and seeing friends
LauraSHV (2:54:22 PM): And I think you understand now that you are ready to change
LauraSHV (2:54:30 PM): You love your friends and your memories (and even your hair)LauraSHV (2:54:53 PM): And you know those are the events and the people that got youto where you are today
LauraSHV (2:54:59 PM): And you are ready to embrace that, but yet change
LauraSHV (2:55:10 PM): There have beena lot of things going on in your life that are reflective of this thinking
LauraSHV (2:55:21 PM): And I think these dreams are allowing your transitions to happen more smoothly
LauraSHV (2:55:31 PM): Even if they are a little strange and seem meaningless

No Intention

2006-02-14T10:57:00.000-05:00

Apparently I have no intention of going to workout in the morning anymore. I overslept again and spent my entire morning have strange strange dreams. This morning's was weird because first it was just something really weird, then it was one long continuous dream. Even after I would wake up I'd still end up continuing the same dream when I would fall back asleep.

Anyway...in my dream I was on a snowboarding trip. Basically everyone who I talk to regularly was there. We were staying at a cabin somewhere near the mountain. We spent a lot of time at the supermarket getting things to eat. I decided I wanted to go every day so that I could get things to eat. I pointed out the brownies that I had taken from the seminar to Jose. Roger wanted to split a 6-pack of Vanilla Coke with me. They were advertised in the circular as $2.99. I was not so excited about paying $.50 a can plus deposit and tax. Back at the mountain, I was late getting there since I took a little longer to leave the cabin. On my way up to meet everyone I saw lots of random people on the main floor of the building where we bought our lift tickets from. I saw Noel Angeles and Pamela Yang. There was another member of their party, but I forget who it was. Maya Goer-Palenzuela was sitting at the seat closest to the stairs going up.

I had left my helmet and goggles in my car and wanted to go get those. While I was getting my ticket and directions to the mountain, the bags I had left by the door were picked up by some woman who was trying to steal my belongings. One bag had my ice skates in them. The other had some glasses (like cups, not glasses that you wear) in it. I chased her outside around the corner and into a bar where she dropped my stuff off since I was going to catch her. I picked up my things and started walking back. I noticed two guys were following me. Were they fellow conspirators working with the blonde-haired woman or just two hooligans who wanted to take my things? I don't remember. They tried to take my bags though. I would have to fend them off with some kicks. My Kung Fu brother from BU who I just visited yesterday, Rafael, appeared out of nowhere to help me out. After a while, I had given my skates to him and he had gone back. I was left to fight the two guys on my own while holding the glasses. They were quite cocky. Eventually, I was strangling one of them with my legs, and the other I had in a rear naked choke. I was waiting for them both to go unconscious when my dream ended. I think I was prepared to kill them if it came to that. This is about when I woke up.

The first dream I had before this one involved me at a concentration camp for Chinese boys. We were all just chilling naked and fending for ourselves. They would feed us these black pellets and capsules which we assumed were vitamins, but I was a little skeptical. I only had one of each. Other people started fighting over them. There was another part that was pretty strange. There was a room that had a floor that was the same surface as what the vendors grill meat on in their little carts. It was separate from everything else. We were wondering if we could use it to grill food for ourselves. One person had gone into the room. I was talking to him afterwards and found out that we'd have to grill our own meat (bodies) as food in that room. I was not so keen on cooking and eating chunks of flesh from my body.

I've got my mind on the road!

2006-02-14T02:22:00.000-05:00

I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. I would have random periods where I'd fall asleep with my mind wandering, but I never had any periods of sustained restful sleep. I guess I've had a ton of stuff on my mind recently. With all the stuff from the seminar on my mind, balancing my existing life with new challenges I want to take on I guess has had some effect on me after all. I have a job interview coming up next Wednesday thanks to Derek and some positive thinking on my own part. I got in touch with a couple of good college friends who I have kind of fallen out of touch with. I have a bunch of commitments in terms of other seminars I have decided to take on over the next few months. On top of these things, I feel like I finally have independence from my parents where they no longer are covering my expenses; it's a good thing aside from the mound of debt that is accumulating, which will probably be a good experience for me anyway.

So yeah...a lot on my mind. My mind wanders a lot. My dreams have been erratic and very diverse involving lots of people I know and lots of strange and random events that haven't taken place, but may someday. Every once in a while I'll be doing something routine -- like taking a piss -- and I'll remember something I dreamed about and ask myself, "When did I do that?" Then I'll remember that I dreamt it and try to remember what everything was about. There was one dream where I was strutting like a model. It was a brief spontaneous thing that I definitely could see myself doing, which is why I wasn't sure if I dreamt it or not. In another dream; which is really fuzzy right now, as are the rest of my dreams right now; a girl who I know asked me if we were dating exclusively or if we were seeing other people. I agreed we were dating exclusively and then realized that I liked someone else and I meant to say that to her. It was weird. I was very confused when I woke up, and now I'm so removed that I don't even remember who these girls were anymore.

Now that I've seen the future I will know what to expect and can act appropriately when the time comes.

Speedskating and curling are amazing.

Go Brian! (Take 2)

2006-02-11T15:18:00.000-05:00

So I just realized that one of my posts from the early morning of February 4th has mysteriously vanished. Anyway, I'll try to reproduce it as best I can; just pretend it's the morning of February 4th...

Good luck to Brian on the LSAT tomorrow. I haven't supported you vocally as much as I should, and I just want you to know I've got your back. You rock that crap! Also, I wanted to apologize for my comment. I misinterpreted what you wrote. My comment was uncalled for anyway.

I forget what else was written...that was the gist of it.

Weekday Update with your hosts Kevin Chau and Laura DeMarzo

2006-02-10T17:04:00.000-05:00

NYRGUY1321 [4:29 P.M.]: EEE EEE EE EE EE EE EEE
LauraSHV [4:29 P.M.]: ?
LauraSHV [4:29 P.M.]: Hello
NYRGUY1321 [4:29 P.M.]: hi
LauraSHV [4:30 P.M.]: what's up?
NYRGUY1321 [4:30 P.M.]: lots of awesome things
NYRGUY1321 [4:30 P.M.]: this week has been amazing
NYRGUY1321 [4:30 P.M.]: i can't believe it's friday
NYRGUY1321 [4:31 P.M.]: the last 8 days have been a blur
LauraSHV [4:34 P.M.]: That's great Kev
LauraSHV [4:34 P.M.]: What have you been up to?
NYRGUY1321 [4:35 P.M.]: staffing the seminar thurs-sun
NYRGUY1321 [4:35 P.M.]: i ended up chilling at the hotel it was at all of sunday night and monday
LauraSHV [4:37 P.M.]: That's great! I'm glad you had such a nice time
LauraSHV [4:37 P.M.]: I think it woudl ahve been a good idea if I had gone
LauraSHV [4:37 P.M.]: lol
NYRGUY1321 [4:39 P.M.]: well....
NYRGUY1321 [4:39 P.M.]: if you're really interested
NYRGUY1321 [4:39 P.M.]: our goal is to have another in the next 3 months
LauraSHV [4:41 P.M.]: That's awesome
LauraSHV [4:41 P.M.]: Yeah, I would like to go
NYRGUY1321 [4:41 P.M.]: :-D
LauraSHV [4:41 P.M.]: If I knew that I could def attend, maybe Brian and I can start saving
LauraSHV [4:41 P.M.]: I know he was interested too
NYRGUY1321 [4:41 P.M.]: awesomeness
NYRGUY1321 [4:42 P.M.]: do you know how far kingston is from potown?
LauraSHV [4:44 P.M.]: Umm...
LauraSHV [4:45 P.M.]: It's probably about half an hour to 45 mins
NYRGUY1321 [4:45 P.M.]: okay
NYRGUY1321 [4:45 P.M.]: cool, cuz the next one will most likely be there or nyc
LauraSHV [4:47 P.M.]: That's great
LauraSHV [4:47 P.M.]: Tell us way in advance so we can see if we want to go
LauraSHV [4:47 P.M.]: I think it would be good
NYRGUY1321 [4:48 P.M.]: yay
NYRGUY1321 [4:48 P.M.]: hehehe
NYRGUY1321 [4:49 P.M.]: so yeah, if you would like to hear
NYRGUY1321 [4:49 P.M.]: my week's been kind of crazy
LauraSHV [4:49 P.M.]: Sure tell me all
LauraSHV [4:49 P.M.]: I'm doing work
NYRGUY1321 [4:49 P.M.]: coolio
NYRGUY1321 [4:49 P.M.]: haha
LauraSHV [4:49 P.M.]: I would like to hear
NYRGUY1321 [4:49 P.M.]: so i was hanging out with them all day monday just in the hotel room
NYRGUY1321 [4:49 P.M.]: then we split up, one person's car got towed so me and diana went with cindy to get her car
NYRGUY1321 [4:49 P.M.]: and corinne went to send ty to the airport
NYRGUY1321 [4:50 P.M.]: they missed their flight and went back to the hotel that night
NYRGUY1321 [4:50 P.M.]: cindy and diana came back to my apartment and we all stayed here that night
NYRGUY1321 [4:50 P.M.]: cindy went home at 7am and i went with diana and met up with ty and corinne and we all went around lower east side and financial district the rest of the day
NYRGUY1321 [4:51 P.M.]: found this awesome little coffee shop, went to trinity church and st paul's chapel
NYRGUY1321 [4:51 P.M.]: nyse
LauraSHV [4:51 P.M.]: :-)
NYRGUY1321 [4:51 P.M.]: ty gave his jacket to a homeless guy
NYRGUY1321 [4:52 P.M.]: and we went to buy a disposable camera and century21 was right next door so he got a nice new leather jacket for really cheap
NYRGUY1321 [4:52 P.M.]: so we were hanging out, eventually we got to the airport to send ty off
NYRGUY1321 [4:52 P.M.]: while we were watching him at security i agreed to go to colorado next week for the 90 goal program
NYRGUY1321 [4:53 P.M.]: which i can tell you about later
LauraSHV [4:53 P.M.]: That sounds like a great time!
LauraSHV [4:53 P.M.]: And you've learned a lot?
NYRGUY1321 [4:53 P.M.]: so while i was talking to corinne, i told her i'd have interviewed somewhere in a week, so by next tuesday
NYRGUY1321 [4:54 P.M.]: yeah absolutely, these people are so awesome
NYRGUY1321 [4:54 P.M.]: they made me more aware of just how your energy and stuff like that affects everything around you
NYRGUY1321 [4:54 P.M.]: so that night eventually we all went our separate ways
NYRGUY1321 [4:55 P.M.]: on wednesday at the bar there was this girl who was with a friend of jose's...they had both gone to hs with us but were 2 years older
NYRGUY1321 [4:55 P.M.]: same year as my ssiter, turned out the girl dorothy knew my sister
NYRGUY1321 [4:55 P.M.]: and it happened to be my sister's bday so i called up my sister and had dorothy talk to her
NYRGUY1321 [4:56 P.M.]: now dorothy might go visit this next week since she's a flight attendant
NYRGUY1321 [4:56 P.M.]: and has 8 days off
NYRGUY1321 [4:56 P.M.]: and she offered me buddy passes for continental which is awesome cuz i'm going to colorado and california a couple of times the next few months
NYRGUY1321 [4:57 P.M.]: so we got our drink and eat and karaoke on
NYRGUY1321 [4:57 P.M.]: brian and i sang collide
NYRGUY1321 [4:57 P.M.]: everyone was touched, i'm sure
NYRGUY1321 [4:57 P.M.]: haha
NYRGUY1321 [4:57 P.M.]: i drove bri to penn station and roger and wilson to union sq
NYRGUY1321 [4:58 P.M.]: then i went to diana's place to drive her to the aiport in the morning
NYRGUY1321 [4:58 P.M.]: when i got home i slept from like 11am-8pm
NYRGUY1321 [4:58 P.M.]: and today i've been figuring out how i'd go about getting that interview
NYRGUY1321 [4:58 P.M.]: and what my goals for the 90 day thing are
NYRGUY1321 [4:59 P.M.]: i called up my friend who works at citigroup, to say hi and i want to meet him for lunch so we arranged a monday meeting
NYRGUY1321 [4:59 P.M.]: i told myself this could be an interview because it'll be somewhat informational and stuff too
LauraSHV [5:00 P.M.]: Wow
LauraSHV [5:00 P.M.]: you should use this conversation as your blog
LauraSHV [5:00 P.M.]: lol
NYRGUY1321 [5:00 P.M.]: so i felt pretty good, and then when i got out of the shower a little while ago, derek called me and said he was submitting my resume on monday and i could have an interview within the week
LauraSHV [5:00 P.M.]: You're typing it all out here
LauraSHV [5:00 P.M.]: :-)
NYRGUY1321 [5:00 P.M.]: yeah i might
NYRGUY1321 [5:00 P.M.]: haha
NYRGUY1321 [5:00 P.M.]: i told derek i was leaving wednesday for colorado and asked if i could do the interview tuesday then and he said probably
NYRGUY1321 [5:01 P.M.]: so now i actually did get the goal
NYRGUY1321 [5:01 P.M.]: and since it's basically guaranteed i can use this job to fund all my travels and stuff for the next few months
NYRGUY1321 [5:01 P.M.]: and after 3 months there he makes 400 dollars because of the referal
NYRGUY1321 [5:02 P.M.]: and then i can use that experience and move to a bigger company or do whatever else if i want to
LauraSHV [5:02 P.M.]: Wow...that's great
LauraSHV [5:02 P.M.]: :-)
NYRGUY1321 [5:03 P.M.]: :-D

One of my greatest nights ever...

2006-02-05T02:12:00.000-05:00

Awesome people...awesome support...I doubt I've ever felt better about myself or more important/empowered in my life than I did tonight. We'll see if I can top this tomorrow night. Thanks to all those who supported me; it means the world to me.

Time to Make a Difference

2006-02-02T12:00:00.000-05:00

Everyone is always complaining about something or making a big deal about something. This weekend the Basic Seminar starts in NYC -- the seminar that I helped bring here. While everyone is out drinking or making a big deal about the Super Bowl or gambling trips or just hanging out, I'm proud that I'm actually doing something that matters this weekend. I've never missed a Super Bowl in probably at least 10 years, but I honestly don't care at all that I'm missing this one given what I'm missing it for. I'm helping people who want to improve their lives. It's great being around people who actually want to move forward. I feel like not being around those people is a disservice to myself because otherwise I will probably get stuck in a rut not going anywhere either.

I've been worried about staffing because I need to become what all these people want to become, and a lot of times I don't feel like I'm in any different situation than they are (in terms of state of mind). Staffing and going through with everything for this weekend will really be a big step in getting out of my comfort zone and moving forward. I also need to set some goals for myself very soon.

I think it's going to be really cool seeing everyone and how they start off at the seminar. They're often very negative and standoffish. The first day the staff members will be dancing around and providing lots of energy which will be fun, and hard. I remember when I was taking it and I saw them dancing around. Everyone was just thinking, "What's wrong with these people?" Anyway, it should be fun. And seeing how people change and move themselves should be fun. It will also be frustrating, I'm sure, but everyone moves at their own pace.

I wish I had more people I know taking the seminar. They all found one reason or another to to back out. It's too bad people are so afraid of change or challenging themselves and just going outside of their comfort zone. I wish my friends would trust me more. It's not like I'm asking them to do something for me. I'm asking people to do something for themselves, and no one found themselves deserving enough to take that step forward. I've been through a lot with a lot of people, and one thing that I have taken from this experience is that money is something that could damage some of my closest friendships. Fact of the matter is, I have put down hundreds of dollars on a whim based on speculative things my friends have told me that turned out to be a waste of time, whereas now, something that I can guarantee worth the trouble -- and money -- gets shot down by everyone including all my closest friends whose trust I feel like I deserve but still don't get. I feel lucky that at least I'll get to be there again, and after this weekend I hope that I will seem noticeably changed for the "better."

And I get to break out all my suits and sport those. Yay! =)

My arm smells like beer...

2006-01-28T05:09:00.000-05:00

Got home from the bar about 20 minutes ago. Met up with Jose, Wilson, and Al -- and others -- at Down the Hatch after hanging out with the normal Friday Asian crew at Yello Bar and then this place at St. Marks called San Marcos. I would really hate to recap events out of order, especially since I still haven't posted crap about last Saturday or this past Wednesday. I'll just say that a fight broke out behind me while I was playing foosball, and this dude Rick who was uninvolved got half his pitcher of beer spilled...on me. It was a good time though. I will do my best to post about all of these things sometime between whenever I wake up and whenever I go out to either buy stuff for the Chinese New Year dinner party or to pick up my sister, whichever comes first.

And I just remembered what I dreamt about last night. I had accidentally dropped my retainers down my mom's office sink. I got them back out somehow, but they were all gross from all the stuff that had been washed down the sink. There was all kinds of grossness in all the little crevices and the nooks and cranies of the retainers that you couldn't see but you knew were there. Ironically, in reality I had fallen asleep without my retainers on.

Those Silly Underpants Gnomes

2006-01-26T19:40:00.000-05:00

Step 1: Steal underpants
Step 2:
Step 3: Profit $$$

I found a long lost sock today while I was cleaning out my closet. It was in my hockey bag mixed in with my hockey equipment. The pair is now whole once again!

Kevin: The Last Action Hero

2006-01-26T12:06:00.000-05:00

I dreamt last night that my family (or some other group of people I cared to save) and I were being taken by some terrorist-type group. One of the members of this terrorist group was Brian's dad. While we were being herded past the terrorists, I picked the most opportune moment to hit one of the guys holding a chain gun with a jumping wheel kick. He tossed the chain gun in the air. As I landed, I caught the weapon with my hands on the trigger and started firing away at the terrorists. I first shot up the guy who I kicked and got the gun from. Then I started shooting all the other terrorists. I didn't want to kill them so I would aim for the sides of their bodies rather than at their heads or right down the middle. After they kept struggling to get back up to try to kill us I had to finish them off. All the terrorists were killed and everyone with me escaped unscathed. And so...the day was saved, and all was right in the world once again -- at least for now.

Official Tally:
Kevin 1
Bad Guys 0

From my daily perusings of craigslist...

2006-01-25T08:57:00.000-05:00

*UPDATE* Rescued a cat, mocks my existence, please take her...

Reply to: sale-128271044@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-01-25, 1:25AM EST

I moved into an apartment in May, the previous tenant abandoned their cat here. The owner of the house the apartment is in was taking care of the cat as an outdoor cat. This winter I took her in because I didn't expect her to survive. Had her checked out and cleaned up. Cost me nearly $400!!!

Anyway, I have been taking good care of her since early December. The problem is that she mocks my existence. She doesn't care one way or the other about me, just so long as she has food, water, and a clean litter box. She's not a bad cat, just indifferent to people. Additionally, it turns out my girlfriend is highly allergic. So, not only do I have a houseguest that tolerates ME, but now my girlfriend can't even come over. While sometimes that's a good thing, most times, it's inconvenient.

I will give you all her paperwork that I have, 3 monthly doses of FrontLine, all the food that I bought her, the litter box, her brush, and all her toys. I just want my life back, and this cat needs a good home that she can mock you in. The vet that checked her out said she's in perfect shape for an older cat.

ALL offers welcome, I might even pay you to take her at this point. I can even drop her off as long as it's not too far. Please please please take this cat before I have to drop her off at a shelter.

Oh yeah, her name used to be Muffin, I renamed her Stoner... see pics.

*UPDATE*

Bought her a catnip toy, she's more... hrm, "cat-like". Also switched from 9-lives to Friskies, and she's happier now it seems, so... that's RIGHT, more toys and more FREE food. I also added a picture of her sleeping with the new toy. Don't you want her, don't you want to take her and let her ignore you too? You know you do.

I received many emails, that's great! None of them went anywhere though. If you want her, please email me with what kind of home you're going to provide for her. A few people wanted her for pest problems. That's not going to happen. Several people refused to tell me what sort of home they would provide for her, no problem as long as you realize you're not getting her. I'm not going to give her to someone that will abuse her, or treat her like a tool, rather then a pet.

this is in or around Farmingdale
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/zip/128271044.html

This is the funniest craigslist posting I've ever seen. It rivals Brian's posting of the cat formerly known as Wendy (now Senator Wendy Whiskers) and the guy making a superhero gang called the Heroic Destiny Squad (http://www.heroicdestinysquad.com/index.html) who was looking for a sidekick, which were also noteworthy.

April...the busiest month of the year

2006-01-23T12:20:00.000-05:00

Apparently, April showers not only bring May flowers...they also bring children. Take that magical stork. It seems like every day has been someone's birthday this month. I feel compelled to take a moment to make some birthday shoutouts.
Birthday shoutouts (in no particular order) to: Krishanna, Dave, Jun, Kate, Giovanna, Namalie, Jose, Su, Stephan, my mom, my grandfather, Henry, Darlene, Aunt Chueh, Aunt Cecilia, and my grandmother (I think). Apologies to anyone I missed.

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Friday night consisted of Dave's birthday festivites. In the morning I had gone to get treatment on my foot and neck. No acupuncture on the neck this day, but I did get the most painful back rub in the history of backrubs performed on Kevin. My doctor told me that my neck problems were old problems that had developed over time. Looks like I had a neck problem before I even went snowboarding last weekend. I believe it because I used to have to crack my neck numerous times every day, and the fall I took snowboarding either exacerbated the problem or gave me other problems on top of the ones I already had.

The back rub was insane. I don't really want to get into the specifics, but if you've ever had something hurt so much that it brought you to the point of laughing because you didn't know how to cope with it, that's basically where I was at the whole time. There were also times when the sides of my neck would get massaged, because they were still really swollen from the fall, causing pain and suffocation. My neck and back were sore the entire afternoon and night while I was out.

Anyway, back to Dave's birthday. We met up at Yello Bar at 6:30(my first time there). It was as ghetto as Ting made it out to be, but it was still fun. Nancy brought Dave a cake that had a picture of the Blue Power Ranger on it. The writing on the cake said "Happy Birthday Brithdave." Don't ask. After Yello Bar we headed over to Penang for some Malaysian cuisine. When dinner was over, the lights were dimmed and then the Birthday Song started to play. Then it played again in Chinese...then again in English but faster...then again in Chinese at the faster speed. While the music was playing the waitress brought out the Power Ranger cake. Dave looked thoroughly embarrassed.

Next on the agenda was Odea. It was a pretty small lounge with three booth-like rooms. When we first got there Ting and Lenny were checking out the DJ until she saw them and then they immediately turned their heads. Then I looked to see what they were looking at and finally saw her. She caught me looking at her so I waved to her, and she waved back. I caught her looking down at me every once in a while the rest of the time there. Dave's cousin, Connie, was actually in the next booth/room with a few of her friends. She was pretty cute -- and she complimented my hair which is always a plus in my book. There was this dude Brian who she was with who also complimented my hair. He had a very firm handshake. Dave is convinced he is gay.

After we left Odea because we lost our booth to some white people who bought a bottle, we ended up wandering for a while and ended up down around MacDougal Street. Last time I was there I had randomly run into my friend from summer classes Eklavya. I also met up with Wilson and Al semi-randomly while I was there last time...and Brian and Laura but that chance encounter was neither random nor semi-random nor by chance. We went the whole way without my seeing anyone I know from BU. We were just outside Down the Hatch when I said, "I'm surprised I haven't see anyone I know," which is when I saw Eklavya. Moments later I saw Jen (also from BU). I spent a decent amount of time talking to them and catching up with Jen. It was nice. She had had a lot of wine though. I don't know if she'll remember seeing me.

Down the Hatch was super packed as was everywhere else. We wandered down to the McDonald's at West 4th where I got an ice cream cone. Jen Tan got a Happy Meal that came with a My Little Pony toy. Ting and I were talking with this black guy eating cheesecake in McDonald's. He was a photographer and had a big piece of cardboard with pictures he had taken posted on it -- interesting character. He gave Ting his card. The next day I found out Ting had thrown it out. No more cards for Ting. After we finished eating everyone tried figuring out what to do. Half of us were falling asleep and others were up for doing stuff. Eventually, we went next door to the Fat Black Pussy Cat because it was so close.

Two rounds of Buttery Nipple shots. Everyone was now more awake. Ting was very intrigued by the idea of checking out the club downstairs. The waitress told us that they would waive the cover charge for us to go down because it was dying down a little bit. She was Asian with lots of make-up and her hair up...until she had to take her pen out of her hair; then it was down. I'm not gonna lie; she looked pretty good while she was letting her hair down.

Downstairs was fun. Everyone was a little timid to get down with their bad selves, but I think everyone had fun anyway. Carolyn danced with some black dude. Later, we all left. People going to Queens split a minivan cab, except for Ting and Gordon who took the train. Dave and Lenny headed for the train to go to Brooklyn, and I walked with Jen towards alphabet city where she stays and where I caught a bus uptown. Home at 4am.

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Jun's birthday celebration was the next day. It ended up being a 12 hour marathon for me deserving of it's own post.

Treatment Follow-up

2006-01-19T23:57:00.000-05:00

My neck felt a little bit better today but still not well enough to really do anything substantial. Let's just assume it was the rest and treatment that I got that's making my neck feel a little better as opposed to the alcohol I had last night. Below is a picture that my mom took of me on Tuesday during treatment. I have another appointment for tomorrow morning at 10:30.

Acupuncture on my neck -- supposedly 22 needles were used.

2006-01-19T10:56:00.000-05:00

Quick recap of last night:

Roger and Derek bailed. Cleo didn't come. Only one of Jill's friends showed up. Yet the intergrity of the group was maintained as Laura surprised us all with her appearance and brought her roommate, Su, along. Looks like the Red Foxes are once again trying to steal the show.
Karaoke Linda is still MIA, but Karaoke Kate filled in for her quite competently.
I sang "Because of You" by 98 Degrees as a tribute to the time we sang it for karaoke at Seto's house. Brian sang backup. My voice was shot after whatever the heck I had to drink (a gin and tonic and two rum and cokes). I dedicated the song to Tim because Jill had dedicated her last song to me.
The bathroom smelled like PEZ. Yummy.
I dropped a pencil in the bathroom that I had over my ear and didn't bother picking it up.
Becca gave us her "card" (an index card on which she wrote her name and the other locations and hours where she worked) on our way out.
We headed across the street to Turtle Bay where the Bud Drafts were a dollar.
Laura and I decided that Su and Laura is the female version of me and Will.
Wilson rose from the dead and made an appearance.
Dancing and hilarity (picture-taking) ensued.
I found a dollar at the foot of one of the tables we were sitting at. Jill and I then proceeded to trade lap dances and pass the dollar back and forth between us. I ended up with the dollar.
Brian, Laura, and Su crossed 2nd Ave. and headed East minutes before the stroke of midnight when Su turned 22. Happy Birthday Su.
Jose and I headed back to my place to use the bathroom. Jose then left for the train station.
I ate some Entenmann's All Butter Pound Loaf. I had more trouble cutting it than I should have.
I was on my laptop when Jose called telling me he forgot his backpack in my apartment. He would be downstairs in 7 minutes where I was supposed to meet him to return his bag to him.
1 minute later: I fall asleep.
6 minutes later: Jose calls me. He is in the lobby. I return his bag to him and come back upstairs where I chat until I fall asleep with my laptop on top of me.

And so ended a memorable evening. My thanks to all those who made it possible: the academy, my family, all the little people, and of course God...and I guess Satan too for letting Wilson come back to us.

Couch-ridden

2006-01-18T10:00:00.000-05:00

3:45pm-12:15am yesterday was spent sleeping on the couch.
12:15am-3:00am I spent learning that Sarah Kachan is engaged.
3:00am-7:30am was also spent sleeping on the couch.

I don't plan on taking any naps today, so let's see how productive I am. The original plan of going to the NYPL fell through because I'm too cheap to spend more than a ride to get there and back, I don't want to walk there, my neck is too sore to carry my laptop, and it's super windy and rainy.

Ideally, I'll be reading the entire day, hopefully not getting tired since I slept for 13 hours. I was looking through the paper this morning and noticed Google is buying a radio ad company. It looks like there's no stopping them despite my best efforts to sabotage them, which consisted wholly of assuming they would hit a wall -- any wall. This, as we know, has not happened. Today, a share of Google is still almost at $500. Instead of selling short or just waiting for a crash, I feel like the best strategy now would be to buy a lot of shares at full price if we find out that the stock is going to split. Our number of shares would double and we'd catch all the gains from people buying the cheaper shares.

I check craigslist everyday...many times...to see what kind of things are out there for me to possibly be doing. I'm partial to receptionist jobs at gyms because I like gyms and it's something that gets my foot in the door without having to have to be too qualified. I asked Laura if she'd hire me as her front desk associate if she had a gym. She said told me yes, but that I'm overqualified. I hadn't considered being overqualified for anything considering my lack of work experience. I am definitely capable of mostly any position though. I've done it all, I just convince myself that I would be uncomfortable doing such things.

Three things I saw today were: 1)part-time tour guide at MSG, 2)front desk/floor/sales/potential class instructor positions at a small gym, and 3)work at a real estate firm. I think Roger would be good as a tour guide at MSG. He remembers tons of sports info and is able to project his voice well, as we all know. Plus he likes the Knicks and Rangers. 5 hour shifts at $13 per isn't bad for part-time stuff.

Time to go have me some soup and kill time 'til open bar tonight. Derek is actually coming out again tonight, and Jill is bringing two of her high school friends. This group is getting out of control.

Whiplash

2006-01-17T14:05:00.000-05:00

On the final snowboarding run I went on this past Saturday, the weather was foggy and raining heavily. Visibility while boarding was close to zero. After a day of snowboarding/skiing, Eric, Larry, Qian, Ting, Dave, and I decided to brave the conditions for our final run. On the way down the mountain I wasn't leaning enough on my toe edge and my board caught the snow/ice sending me falling backwards down the mountain. I slam my head on the trail -- my hat goes flying -- my bandana comes halfway off my head. My initial thought: "Did I lose consciousness at any point?" Nope. Second thought: "I'm going to have some terrible whiplash tomorrow." A few hours later I couldn't lean my head in any direction without immense pain in my neck.

I went to the doctor/acupuncturist/chiropractor today to get therapy on my foot. 12 needles and a painful foot rub -- a typical day, but I didn't get the electrodes hooked up to the needles today. As far as I know, I can use my foot again with no limitations. It'll just hurt some for now. I then had my neck checked out. Treatment for my neck today consisted of 22 needles in the back of my neck, shoulders, triceps, and upper back followed by a ridiculously painful rubdown of my neck and shoulders. Diagnosis: extremely severe neck spasms. There is also a big bump on the back of my head that I'm getting checked out because my doctor was worried it could be something serious. Looks like I'll be heading back to the doctor again tonight.

On the way home I picked up some spicy tuna riceballs, which I used to get from this Japanese/French bakery when I lived in Boston, from the new riceball store on 45th Street. All the workers speak English and Japanese to you. I will start getting food from there more frequently. The riceballs were freshly made and still warm when I got home.

While I was walking down 46th Street I saw two guys sitting on the rotating circular platform eating lunch. I had the urge to go up to them and start spinning the platform as fast as I could.

This latest injury is very disheartening because I was finally getting better from my latest stupid injury before that, and now I'm hurt again. I feel like something is always wrong and it prevents me from progressing to where I want to be. I can't even lift my head up when I'm lying on my back without using my hands to pull it up. I should probably lie down and not move for the next few days. Ugh.

Fountain of Youth

2006-01-17T09:37:00.000-05:00

I was looking in the mirror this morning, and I noticed a gray hair. When I went to pull it out I noticed that it got darker towards the root and was growing out black. Apparently, I've figured out how to reverse the aging process.